July 27, 2022
The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham news and links for Wednesday 13 April

Hello and happy Tuesday, hoddlers. Or it would, if your head handyman could locate his trash barrel.

Sometime between 7:45 a.m. and 2:00 p.m., he had to push off a pair of legs and walk away. But here’s the thing: the lid visibly remained on the street. A lid without barrel. What cruel tragedy must befall inanimate objects on a beautiful spring day?

It is – or was – a standard black plastic garbage barrel with a red handle, usually accompanied by a matching black lid.

And now it’s gone.

At 2:00 p.m. on Tuesday, I walked outside my house to bring the garbage barrel. It was garbage day, so I put the barrel on the sidewalk.

But when I went to bring back the barrel, there was no more. In its place lay an orphan lid, lying helplessly on its back like an overturned turtle. Sometimes a neighbor brings the barrels, so at first I didn’t panic.

I rescued the lid from his sidewalk prison to reunite him with his barrel brethren, only to find said barrel missing.

Panic sets in.

I looked under my porch, across the street, to other parking lots and entrances, side entrances, driveways. The barrel was nowhere to be found.

Let’s go. The barrel has disappeared. And it’s not like it’s an unmarked, nameless barrel. In large print, the address of the rightful owner of the barrel is inscribed on its belly.

Now in my kitchen is a trash can with a filled garbage bag. I ask myself: “Where does this garbage bag go? What do I do now?”

This morning the answer was so clear.

If anyone finds a wayward garbage barrel in Fairfield County, Connecticut, please let me know.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Stupid Girl, by Garbage

And now for your links

Athletics ($$): The news of Doherty’s knee injury is very sad and terribly inevitable

How the softer side of Antonio Conte helped reinvigorate Spurs’ front four fight

Boy whose phone Cristiano Ronaldo would have slammed declines invitation to Old Trafford

Manchester United reportedly agreed to verbal contract with Erik ten Hag

Villareal’s journey in the Champions League continues with victory over Bayern Munich

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